MySpace Surveys and Bulletins

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I Miss You
If You Could Change Your Name
Look To Your Right
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When A Girl Says She Likes You
Wife vs Husband

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10 Sex Facts
10 Reasons
11 Unspoken Rules of MySpace
63 Ways 2 Piss A Cop Off
105 Facts About You
Bedroom Survey
Beer Drinking Guide
Boyfriend Girlfriend Application
Business Observations
Daddys Poem
Finish The Sentence
Fountain Drink
Grew Up In The 80s
How A Kid Explains Sex
I Almost Cried
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Last Person Who
Lets Play
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Marijuana
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Pro Sports Survey
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The Fireman
The Perfect Guy
Truth About 666
Perfect Gynecologist
Rate Me
Relationships
Repost This
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The Deep End
What Guys Should Do
Your Name Means
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Beer Drinking Guide

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BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet:
CAUSE: Glass Being held at incorrect angle. 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet:
CAUSE: Improper Bladder Control 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless 
CAUSE:  a. Glass empty. 
	b. You're holding a Coors Lite 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights 
CAUSE: You have fallen over backward. 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes 
CAUSE: You have fallen forward 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: See above

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet 
CAUSE:  a. Mouth not open 
	b. Glass applied to wrong part of face 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror

SYMPTOM: Floor Blurred 
CAUSE: You are looking through bottom of empty glass 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer

SYMPTOM: Floor moving 
CAUSE: You are being carried out 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark 
CAUSE: Bar has closed 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender If staff is gone,
		   grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door.
		   Run!

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures 
CAUSE: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles 
CAUSE: You are dancing on the table 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Fall on someone cushy-looking

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear 
CAUSE: It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Punch him

SYMPTOM: People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup 
CAUSE: You're in the ladies' room 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. 
		   Try to get phone numbers (optional)

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear 
CAUSE: You have been in a fight 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in 
CAUSE: You've wandered into the wrong party 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: See if they have free beer

SYMPTOM: Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door.
	 Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk 
CAUSE:  a. You're in jail 
	b. You're in the navy 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow. 
		   Don't talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach

SYMPTOM: You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chaps 
CAUSE: You're in a gay bar 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for backrubs

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted 
CAUSE: The beer is too weak 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song 
CAUSE: Beer is just right 
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Play air guitar
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